All Hail the Beeper Queen
by Lacrimoza
Summary: It's time for Miriam to see a therapist..
1. Chapter 1

All Pataki especially Olga freaked out when Miriam was in hospital for having severe digestive problem due to her excessive drinking. But thank God, after being hospitalized for a week, Miriam was fully recovered. Now, everyone was so happy to have her again at home. Olga cooked special food, Helga helped her willingly. They all sat together at the dinner table.

"Finally home cooked meal!" Miriam said excitedly.

Bob exchanged look with Olga. "Are you sure it's a good idea?" he said.

"Yeah Daddy, I am sure it is, we can't let this happen again."

Bob cleared his throat. "So Miriam, after we talked to a doctor, there is an indication that your addiction to alcohol is caused by deppp…uhm…by...unresolved conflict. That's why; we think you probably need to see a psychologist to discuss things. What do you say?"

Miriam laughed. "You can't be serious B! I am fine."

Olga leaned forward. "Mummy Please, we don't wanna something bad happen to you again! Don't you know how scared you've made us feel all this time?"

"It's okay Miriam, I talked to a psychologist before and it did help!" said Helga.

"Yeah Miriam, I don't even know if it's a good idea or not but let's give it a try," said Bob.

All eyes fell on Miriam, hoping she would say yes.

Miriam sighed. "Okay."

* * *

A beautiful smile welcomed Miriam as she stepped in the counseling room. "I am Dr. Grace. Please have a seat Mrs. Pataki," said the woman wearing white blazer and dark blue skirt. Her long black hair was tightened into low pony tail.

"Ah just call me Miriam doc," said Miriam as she sat on the couch.

"Okay, do you want to have some drink, Miriam?"

"Drink?"

A bottle, a blender and a glass of smoothie suddenly popped up on Miriam's head.

"Yeah, do you want some coffee or tea perhaps?"

"Coffee…tea...oh I thought…." Miriam laughed. "No Thanks doc."

"So how are you feeling today?" said Dr. Grace friendly, a clipboard was on her lap.

"A little bit weird, I've never been to a psychologist before." Miriam's eyes swept around.

"Just relax Miriam; we're going to have fun," said Dr. Grace, smiling brightly. Her brown eyes were sharp and focused.

"Right, so what we're gonna talk about doc?"

"I guess we can start by discussing the reason you're here." Dr. Grace glanced at her clipboard.

Miriam crossed her legs and reclined her seat. "Alright, I was an alcoholic and my husband and my daughters think I have depression. So here I am."

"Hmm so you don't think you have depression?" said Dr. Grace calmly.

"Of course I don't…I mean I have a lovely family. I have a hardworking husband and two wonderful daughters. One of them even is a straight A student. I don't see anything to be depressed about, doc."

"I am glad that you're feeling good about your family. But how do you feel about yourself?"

 _How do I feel about myself?_ Miriam suddenly looked blank. Inside her head, she mentally searched for the answer. She was in the dark room surrounded by file cabinet. _Let's see._ She checked all the file cabinet one by one but they all were EMPTY. She ran to a computer, typed 'how do I feel about myself?' and clicked 'search' but the only words that appeared on the screen were 'Nothing is found'. She put her hands on her head. _Oh How am I going to answer this?_ she panicked but then she smiled as she clicked 'alternative answer'.

"Good." Miriam smiled.

Dr. Grace nodded. "Can you tell me about your everyday life, do you work or—?"

"No, I am a full-time housewife but I once worked replacing my husband at our company. I did it very well but I decided to quit."

"Why?"

Miriam lower her tone of her voice. "It made me forgot a lot of things. I guess being business woman doesn't suit me."

"What kinds of jobs that suit you then?"

Miriam looked up and stroked her chin.

 _Hmm let's see…_

 _Teachers? …No I can't be a good role model for my students._

 _Singers?...No I am too old for this._

 _Psychologists? Oh come on!_

"I don't know." She shrugged her shoulder. "Perhaps, being a housewife is the perfect job for me."

Dr. Grace wrote something on her clipboard. "Well, being a housewife is lovely and it takes a lot of hard work too just like any other jobs. Besides doing domestic things what else do you like to do at home?"

Miriam gave a startle look. "I like doing uhm many things…so many doc, I can't mentioned one by one." She laughed nervously.

Dr. Grace smiled. "What was your dream when you're a child, Miriam?"

 _Dream?_

Mirriam suddenly found herself in a place full of graves. She looked at the gravestone one by one. _No..Not this one!_ She kept checking the gravestone. _Not this one!_ She kept walking around. _Aha!_ She said as she stopped right in front of the smallest and the oldest grave. She took a shovel and dug it. In there, she found a piece of paper. She took it and stared at a picture on it. A picture once she drew long long times ago— a picture of a handsome prince and a beautiful princess.

"I forgot, that's so long time ago, no need to talk about it now, right?" Miriam laughed.

"Right, so when did you start drinking?"

"I don't really remember, probably when I was 20 or 21 but don't worry I quit."

"That's good."

"Yeah if I took another bottle of alcohol then I'd have to wave goodbye to the world." Miriam laughed. "That's what my doctor said."

"I am glad you take it seriously. Did you drink everyday before?

Miriam lowered her eyes. "Almost."

"How about your daughters, were they okay with that?"

"I guess not. I never blatantly got drunk in front of them. I tried to be a good role model for them no matter what."

"How about your husband?"

"He didn't mind as long as I didn't drink too much."

"Did your drinking habit affect your relationship with him?"

"You mean did I always fight with him. Is that what you trying to ask?"

"Sort of."

"No, we don't fight, we hate drama. I hate drama."

 _Big red crossed for drama... yeah._

"I see, can you tell me what is he like?"

Miriam leaned her head."He's very passionate person especially about his job. He's very enthusiastic. He never let anyone get him down. He's great, isn't he?"

Dr. Grace smiled. "What about your daughters, what are they like?"

"My first daughter, Olga? She's perfect daughter you could imagine."

Miriam closed her eyes and saw images of Olga everywhere, Olga playing piano, Olga holding trophies, Olga wearing medals.

She opened her sparkling eyes and continued, "She's beautiful and clever. She got straight As since she was on the third grade. She's also a talented pianist and oh she also won lots of trophies. "

"That's great. And how about your second daughter, what's she like?"

"Helga?"

Miriam closed her eyes and she saw nothing but the dark. She suddenly heard an angry voice echoed around the room.

 _Mom! I am late for school and no one made my lunch! … Miriam you forgot to pick me up AGAIN! ...Miriam I'm starving where's the food!..._

"She's very smart and she's funny, she calls me by name sometimes." Miriam grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes.

"Is everything okay?" said Dr Grace softly.

"I suppose so."

"I understand if you're not willing yet to talk about everything right now. It's our first session after all." Dr. Grace glanced at her watch. "I guess our session is up, Mrs Pataki."

"So what's your conclusion doc?"

"You're fine Mrs. Pataki. However, I noticed that you seem to have some repressed feelings "

"Like what?"

"That's what we're going to figure it out."

"What if after we figure it out and we can't do anything about it?"

"Well, we'll never know if we never try. Do you keep journal?"

"No."

"I strongly suggest you to keep journal, a place where you can fully express your thoughts, feelings, and emotions there. You can write everything, what you love, what you hate. Journal is a good tool to keep contact with your inner self which I think that would help you in this case."

"Sounds interesting. Do I have to show it to you?"

"It's up to you. If you're comfortable, you can do that, but if you're not, it's perfectly okay to keep it to yourself. It's been scientifically proven that writing is a healthy habit. So, it will do any good for you," said Dr. Grace, smiling.

"Okay, see you next week doc."

Miriam walked out of the building.

* * *

Miriam went upstairs. She opened the door and saw her eleven-year-old daughter sitting on her bed while writing a diary with a dreamy expression.

"Hi honey, what are you doing?" She sat at the bedside.

Very surprised, Helga quickly closed her diary. "Nothing, so how's your session Miriam?"

"It's going well. Dr. Grace seems like a very nice person."

"Good for you then."

"Do you keep diary, Honey?" Miriam asked, looking at a notebook on Helga's lap. "Dr. Grace also suggested me to do so. She said I could fully express everything there."

"Yeah, it's helpful. You can write everything you dare not speak." Helga laughed.

"Sounds fun. Maybe I am gonna start it tomorrow."

"You should." Helga walked to a desk and pulled out the drawer, there were lots of notebooks with various colors. She took one.

"Here, you can use mine, I have a lot." Helga said as she offered a purple notebook to Miriam.

Miriam paused for a while, staring at the notebook. "Thank you, Honey." Miriam took the notebook, smiling to Helga.

And Helga smiled back. 


	2. Chapter 2

Miriam smiled every time she looked at the purple notebook Helga given to her. This notebook more or less symbolized her daughter's love for her. That's why, this notebook was very special to her even more special than her old friend—the blender.

She took a ballpoint and started writing on her notebook…

 _I was hospitalized for a week and now I need to see a psychologist every week. It all happened because of my huge love for smoothie (aka alcohol). I guess what people say is true; 'don't love too much because that too much will hurt you so much!' I can't believe my lovely smoothie betrayed me, stabbed me from the back and almost make me say goodbye to the world. How could you? After what we've been through!_

 _And what does all of this have to do with depression? I drank because I loved it. People drink anyway. Are they all depressed? And what is depression anyway? A sad feeling? I don't feel sad at all! I just feel … umm I don't know how I feel. And okay maybe I don't even know what I want and what to do. But I know one thing for sure, I AM NOT DEPRESSED._

 _Anyway, going to a psychologist doesn't seem a bad idea. It's nice to have someone to talk to and Dr. Grace seems like someone I can trust. Though, I still found it really hard to open up due to my nature to sweep things under a rag or hide behind the word 'okay'. Well yeah, I hide behind the word 'okay' and the gangs (fine, good) all the time. Gosh! These words are so powerful. They always save me from any potential dramatic situation and unnecessary conflicts. There are thousand meanings behind these magic words. That's why, when Dr. Grace asked me how I felt about myself, I replied 'good' because in my holy dictionary, 'good' means also 'I don't know'. My mind was blank at the time. I had no idea to answer it. But let me do some self-investigation now._

 _Do I feel good? Not really!_

 _Do I feel bad? Not really!_

 _Am I sad? Not Really!_

 _Am I happy? Not Really!_

 _Wait! I don't understand this. I don't really know how I feel; I don't really know what I want and what to do. So, what's the point I am here?_

 _Gosh, I think I'm lost…_

* * *

"Lost?"

"Yeah Doctor, I am lost but I am not depressed."

Dr Grace smiled. "You're not. If you're lost then it's your chance to find yourself. "

"How am I gonna find myself Doctor, when I don't even know who I really am."

"Exactly, I think we can start from answering that question. Who are you? "

"Who am I?"

Dr. Grace leaned forward. "Yeah, who are you? Try to think about it!"

Miriam scratched her head. "Umm I am just a married woman with two children."

"Come on, I think you're more than that. Think about who you are as an individual," said Dr Grace calmly.

Miriam tried to picture herself alone; an image of her lying around with a glass of smoothie on her hand popped up on her head.

 _An alcoholic married woman with two children? Haha…_

"Like I said doc, I don't know."

Dr. Grace wrote something on her clipboard as usual. "Okay, can you tell me when the last time you felt so happy or sad?"

Miriam looked up for a while and then looked down for a while and last looked at Dr. Grace in a clueless expression. "I can't remember any of it Doctor. All this time, I was just lying around, getting drunk." Miriam gave a heavy sigh.

"And how did you feel when you were drunk? happy or ? "

"Umm I don't think I felt happy, when I was drunk I just felt …somewhat free."

"Oh, free from what?"

"Umm from…nothing-ness, sometime I drank just to feel something, see?"

Dr. Grace nodded. "So have you started writing journal?"

"I have and here I am questioning lots of things," said Miriam, as she folded her arms.

"That's good; it means you communicate well with your inner self. Please keep it up. I suggest you to look back and remember some moments in your life and write all that down. Use this chance to re-experience some past events, the best one and the worst one. That way, you will probably find some clues about who you are, what you want and all of other questions." said Dr Grace.

Miriam looked away and sighed. "But doc what if…what if…After I find myself I have to lose everything in return?"

Dr. Grace smiled. "Don't worry, when you have yourself you have everything."

* * *

Miriam sat at dining table, her chin rested on her palm. Some questions were still clouding up her mind.

"I 'm home!"

Miriam turned her head, her eyes grew wide as she saw her daughter emerged. "Ah Helga, please sit down, I have a question for you."

"What?" Helga sat at the chair.

"Who are you?" _Let's see what everyone got…_

Helga looked startled. "You okay Miriam?"

"I am okay Honey, just answer the question, will you?"

"Who am I?" Helga raised her voice along with her fist, "Huh! Everyone knows I am mean, cruel, bossy …" Helga took a dramatic sigh, clasping her hands together. "And yet..."

"And yet?" Miriam leaned forward.

Helga shook her head. "And yet that's what makes me special Miriam haha." She laughed evilly.

Miriam just blinked couldn't say a thing.

"I think I better go upstairs."

Helga went upstairs, leaving Miriam alone with her confusion. Miriam sighed and rested her chin back on her palm, daydreaming. Helga's answer was absurd but at least she could define herself.

"I 'm home!"

Miriam turned her head, this time she saw her husband coming in.

"Ah B, Let's talk. I have a question for you."

Bob sat at the chair. "Alright but make it snappy, my favorite TV show is about to start." He glanced at his watch.

"I just wanna ask who are you."

Bob looked startled.

"And oh I am okay B, just answer the question." Miriam anticipated.

"Who am I?" Bob stroked her chin. "You know who I am Miriam! I am a beeper king. I am the best of the best person in the whole entire world. Some people call me cruel and bossy though, but that's what makes me so powerful haha." He laughed evilly.

Miriam slapped her forehead and sighed in frustration. "Like father like daughter."

* * *

Miriam lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. A piece of smile appeared on her face. Deep down, she was excited about the whole mission to find herself thing.

She pulled out the purple notebook beneath her pillow, ready to pour some pieces of her memories into it.

 _Hmm where do I start?_

* * *

 **Response to review**

EJ & Guest: Thank you so much xD here's the update, I hope you guys enjoy it xD 


End file.
